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Personal Development

Find the hope in hopelessness

When I was in high school, I admitted to my therapist that I didn’t want to live anymore.

I felt completely alone. I wasn’t getting along with my parents, I was being cyber bullied by kids older than me, and I had no self-esteem. I tried getting involved with a local Christian group but even the leader treated me like dirt. To be honest, that was the worst part. When you can’t rely on the person who is supposed to be your mentor, then who do you really have?

Everything I did was wrong and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. The countdown to college was the only thing that kept me going.

Once I got to Tuscaloosa, I had no supervision and went absolutely nuts. I starting drinking a lot and caring about the dumbest things like who I was going to take to a date party  (SERIOUSLY WHO F****ING CARES) when I should have been focusing on my future. I was trapped in an entirely new type of prison and my depression soon crept up again.

Then the car accident happened. I was ejected out of a truck at 100 mph and woke up in a ditch. The fact that all six of us survived is still a mystery to this day.

I couldn’t walk during the recovery process which thrust me back into my “trapped” state of mind. I couldn’t do anything for myself and was experiencing some severe survivor guilt. I realized how much of my life I really took for granted.

Once I got back to school, I was different. I started living by a “life is too short” kind of mentality. I put off school for a semester to backpack Europe with two of my friends. My old self would’ve said “WTF are you doing” but my new self was saying “you’re never going to get this opportunity again.”

The point is, these AWFUL times taught me some of the best life lessons that I couldn’t have gotten any other way. Having no one to rely on taught me to grow up and become independent. Getting shat on via the internet taught me to be humble. My car accident taught me that I only have one life and I need to live it to the fullest.

I don’t pity myself because I know I needed these things to happen in order to be where I am today. Sometimes I’m actually THANKFUL for these incidents.

So, if you catch yourself in the middle of a breakup or losing a job, think of it as one door closing and another one opening. Maybe that special someone is right around the corner and you needed that relationship to end in order to find him/her. Maybe that job was holding you back from doing something you really love. Maybe there was just a lesson that you really needed to learn.

I am a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason.” Trust that God has a plan for you and he knows what is best for you. If you’re not religious, then think of it this way: the universe is working WITH you, not against you, and is guiding you towards your most authentic self.

You get out of life what you put in… If you radiate negativity, self-pity, and depression, then that is exactly what you will attract.

This mindset of “fake it til you make it” was something I really struggled with for a while. Instead of moping around, I had to learn to take responsibility for my life and look inward. I had to stop blaming my past for the sadness in my present. I had to take the necessary steps to move on and become the person I was meant to be.

So, slap on that beautiful smile of yours because once you begin acting like the person you want to be, you trick your brain into feeling that way. But seriously, it’s science.

With that being said, if you’re in a really bad place and can’t seem to get out of the “funk”, talk to a professional! Seeing a psychologist or life coach is no longer taboo. I really think that EVERYONE should hire a therapist to get through the tough times because it gives you a chance to hear the advice of a completely unbiased third party.

Thanks so much for reading! Spread the love. 🙂

 

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