I used to beat myself up for getting emotional. Why do I have to cry so much?? At the funeral of a kid I’ve met once, during a fight with my parents, when I listen to certain folk songs… I would hide my feelings and my tears because I didn’t want to be called “weak” or “crazy”.
I am trying to embrace the fact that I am in touch with my sensitive side but every day is a struggle. I still want to seem like a hard, badass chick but I can’t help but get choked up at church or cry every time I watch The Notebook even though I’ve literally seen it 137984738 times.
It’s like my mind is a battle of the sexes.
On one side, there is Hank; a muscular biker with a craving for whiskey and metaphorical chest hair. He don’t take no shit and he definitely don’t cry like a little b!tch. On the other side is Noelle, a dainty seamstress who never poops. Unfortunately, Hank has locked Noelle in a cage and she hasn’t found the hidden key yet.
I have always been a daddy’s girl and therefore, I’ve adopted the traits of the male perspective. It’s helped me in some ways but it’s definitely hindered certain areas of my life.
This constant need to be “tough” has refrained me from flying off the handle when someone is treating me poorly. But in contrast, I rarely express how I’m feeling which, tends to push people away.
I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this mental war. Millennials these days have been trained to “suck it up” and never show their hand when it comes to the truth.
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, my windows are boarded up like a centrally-located CVS during a Florida hurricane.
This kind of living sets us up for failure, especially in relationships. We hold off from being the first ones to say “I love you” because we’re afraid of getting let down. We let our friends get away with murder because we want to be considered “chill.” Our relationships are built on lies that prevent us from opening up and really understanding each other.
These days I’ve been working towards unleashing my inner woman by scheduling wine nights with my friends, buying myself flowers, and getting my nails done just ‘cuz.
It’s going to take some time to fully embrace my feminine side but I think I’m well on my way to a much more balanced life. Check out this article for some helpful ways to connect with your femininity.
If you’re having trouble embracing your feminine side, comment below! I would love to share stories on how each of us can overcome this internal dilemma.